On today’s blog post, I am going to share with you what
led to nearly a marriage collapse between Tim and Gina
within only couple weeks’ period of time.
”Why Don’t People Prevent Situations?”
“Is It Because They DON’T KNOW?”
I met Tim in October, few days after he had left his wife
Gina. Unnecessarily to say that Tim made all efforts to
save the marriage, but when their relationship problems
escalated, he chose to remove himself.
This was the Beginning of the End…
Gina was a playful young woman when Tim met her. She loved
to play the pull and push game since the beginning and Tim
enjoyed it. He adored her and they ended up getting married.
The marriage was happy, well balanced, and sex was the spices
of their togetherness. They both knew how to react to one
another to reach complete satisfaction. Intimacy was the key.
“Can you Anker Marriage in Sex Only?”
Three months ago, Gina got a financially lucrative offer to
assist in organizing and managing a line of social events in
the city. That hit the nail on the head. Gina was overflowing
with happiness to have got a job she has always dreamt
about – job in art and entertainment.
“Tim, I will be famous soon. I am in the show business now
and this’ gonna be great! I love you so much, honey.” She
No more, no less, Gina was excellent at the job. Her nature
clicked well with the job requirements:
planing and organizing the parties, participating in social
events, keeping guests amused, complimenting them truly,
joking and entertaining them was her true realm. Being
around celebrities made her happy.
The dark side of the job was that she often come home late
and tired, sometimes even upset because the evening didn’t
go well in the eyes of the main managers.
Long time forgotten were playful nights with Tim.
“Outside Factors On Marriage Are HUGE.”
Gina even withdrew sex, postponing it from one day to another
in a sequence. Tom tried to understand but was totally blown
out when Gina pushed him away even if she was perfectly rested.
”Is This The Woman I Married?”
Tim started feeling unattractive as a man, unloved and
unappreciated. He felt low about himself. Every time Gina
refused him, he would leave the bedroom and find relief
in a glass of wine, sitting alone in the living room.
He ended up asking himself:
-> “What have I done wrong that made Gina change from
such a playful, enjoyable and a lovely woman into a
“careless” spouse taking care of herself and her job only.
-> Does she feel love for me or does she have a boyfriend
somewhere out there?”
-> He felt that all Gina’s energy was dissipated in everything
else but not their marriage, and nothing was left for him.
“Tim Hated This Life.”
That was the reason for fights in marriage.
In a hope to find the reason behind Gina’s “weird”
behavior, Tim asked Gina: “Just tell me, Gi,
-> why are you always not in mood for sex?
-> Why are you pushing me away when I approach you?
-> Am I the least attractive of the men around you?
-> Don’t you love me any more?”
She never had a reasonable answer; She just uttered: “No,
Honey, I love you. It is not what you think, I am just not
into sex so much anymore. In my job, everything is done
to be “over-sexy”, and I am sick of it.
Our culture turned into a Sex Culture. Isn’t The “Sex and
the City” movie a perfect proof? Everyone woman is crazy
talking about that movie. And worst even, what a cultural
shock with the TV series “The Bachelor.”
Gina’s dream job requested her acting a little flirty, and
that made her seek for the balance. That’s why she acted
at home to the very opposite.
“She Stopped Nurturing Her Marriage.”
She stopped sharing loving attractions with her husband
and slowly limited intimacy, too. She just wanted to be
a friend and focus on her job.
BUT WHY? – SELFISHNESS?
“That Could NEVER be Approved by Tim,
in NO WAY!”
”What a Dilemma!”
Tim suggested she quit the job. Gina rejected. She loved
her work and all the attentions she has got there. So Tim
waited a little bit longer.
When he felt his wife was constantly putting her job in
the first place, he stopped his efforts to win her back.
He rather pulled away.
“How About Separation?”
One day, Tim did not come home. The decision to move
out in his office in his business facility was finally made.
He called her:
“Hi Gi, I do not want to live my life just next to you, not
fully WITH you. You are no more attracted to me, so I am
not going to give you a hard time pushing. I will NOT
come back to you NOW.
“Give Your Spouse Time To Think.”
Take your time to figure out what you really want from
me and from our marriage. Than, we can have a talk.”
Tim and I discussed their marital crisis over and over to
find a reasonable solution and believe me, for the sake
of their marriage, I supported his action.
Tim shook his wife up by taking this unexpected step.
He showed Gina the
“Consequences Of Her Own Actions”
by removing himself from her. Gina had to get that shock
to wake up to see her priorities in life. She was lost in her
profession but that would be fine if she found the balance
between work and life.
“Was Moving Out Effective?”
Gina was seeking for the solution right away. Being “saturated”
with all the social events she had to attend, she felt no
burning desire any more for being among the crowd all
the time, especially not in the evenings.
She realized that she could lose Tim because another
woman can easily come across his way. As a reaction on
Tim’s action, she asked for work the morning hours only.
To be quite frank here, the affliction from being unable to
reconnect with Tim in intimacy bothered her as well. She
definitely needed to find WHY. And she was lost as to
”HOW To Restart Intimacy.”
Then, it was her turn to call me. We had a couple of talks
discussing the role of mutual attractions, spark in marriage,
healthy sex and fun activities between two people
committed to one another.
That opened up Gina’s eyes and made her turn 180 degrees
around. She could clearly see the impact of putting the
spouse in the first place in marriage. She has NEVER thought
of Tim this way before.
“Her Neglecting Tim Was Selfish.”
(No Mom told her – and that’s why she naturally slid into
selfishness turning all attention to herself and her only
needs). It was the selfishness that led her marriage so
close to a total failure.
Trust me in this,
“There Is Always A Way To GET KNOW HOW.”
Once Gina learned how to approach Tim selflessly, their
mutual attractions rekindled.Tim supported the moment
he was so strongly hoping to come. And it did.
“Stop Talking, Enjoy Reconnection.”
He planned for a quality time with lots of fun and he invited
Gina for an extended week-end spent with a group of couples
endulging themselves in just fun and challenging physical
activities for married folks.
His wife loved it and when they came back, she clearly saw
her priorities – not job, but Tim and their togetherness.
From this specific marriage problem solving, you can
learn quite a lot (you read and indirectly learn the
-> Have you addressed your spouse’s bad behavior every
time it bothered you (OR) you waited.
-> Did you always know HOW to impart it with respect and love?
(OR) you were nervous in addressing something negative.
-> Have you thought about HOW to correct their behaviors that
bothered you? (And) Did you offer supplemental solution?
-> Have you chosen to discipline and mentor your spouse the
way you would discipline your child? (OR) you were raising
your voice in anger.
-> Did you let go of their bad behaviors because it was too
much for you to deal with and you were saying: “Anyways,
they should know better, they are adults. It’s not my
As a matter of fact, this is
“The Same Problem In Many Marriages.”
They are leading to a marriage crisis but it is also a fact,
that most of the problems are rooted in spouses’ inability
to behave selflessly and to know how to
“Punish With Love.”
Once spouses know how to do it, they are more likely
to get even more love and attractions back as a result.
“Here Is WHY.”
Because it is my goal to help you to a better marriage, I am
going to share with you Five Tips How to Punish Your Spouse
and get even more love, appreciation and respect from them.
As you have realized, you have to have a high respect for
your own values in marriage. See, if you flirt, if you lie,
if you are always late, if you don’t keep promises…you can
NOT punish your spouse for flirting, being late or other
bad habits, etc. CAN YOU?
Let me share with you HOW YOU need to act the right way.
(1) Appreciate What Your Partner Is NOT Doing. –
This is the loveliest of the strategies.
Before even your spouse does behave in a way you don’t
like, you will prevent it from happening. Use this:
“I am so proud of you, Honey, that you are NOT like the
other men who are in the habit to chase on every skirt.”
(OR) “You know what I appreciate the most about you,
Honey? You are NOT like the other women who are nagging
about almost anything, especially about not getting enough
getting enough attention. I could never like a woman like this.”
“Do You Like This INDIRECT WARNING with LOVE?”
We are indirectly warning our spouses to be aware of not
to do these things, because we do not tolerate them and
we do not wish they were like the examples we gave.
If you think that such strategy is only a talk, you are
mistaken. Even at times of dating we shared things that
we could not accept, but NOW, we do it on “other people’s
example”. It is MUCH more ACCEPTABLE for our spouse.
Underestimating these kind of warnings and trying to
prove that your spouse was not serious about it will be
the same as if someone tells you: don’t put your hand in
the fire, it will burn you… yet, you do.
(2) Let Them Know About Their Behaviors. – Yes,
bad behavior happened. No matter how upset you are
with your spouse and their bad behaviors, it is a MUST
to show them that your feelings were hurt. Not only
“BECAUSE THEY ARE BEHAVING POORLY.”
If your husband is hugging your girlfriend longer than is
an acceptable manner, wait and talk to him in privacy:
“Honey, to be honest with you, I regret I have seen you
hugging Jane that way. You know, I am not jealous, but
this was not appropriate and respectful to me.”
If your wife is overly showing off at a party, and you
are not flattered by her lose behavior, just tell her
eye to eye that you will remove yourself if she doesn’t
stop hurting your feelings with her foolish acting.
Don’t worry, it is OK.
If you make your spouse know that all the games other
people play in marriage are not acceptable for you.
This is a fact…
If you do not address the inappropriate behaviors that
is likely to damage your relationship, things will pile
up between you and your spouse.
In the end, you will not know what makes you the most
upset about your spouse.
There is another danger in not addressing bad behaviors. -
“Your Spouse MAY Not Know WHAT They
Are Doing Wrong.”
Many spouses just hate their partners because they don’t
know what exactly their husband or wife wants from them.
3) Correct Their Mistakes By Acting To Them.–
As it is a MUST to address the mistakes, it is also a must
to show your disapproval and act to the mistake or
a behavior your spouse is acting out
“N-O-W, Not the Next Morning.”
You do not want to see what your spouse is doing in public
(party). Thinking of the fastest and least painful way to
stop his or her bad behavior is when you remove yourself.
“This is NOT a Coward Act, but a Strategy.”
It is obvious that your spouse will look for you shortly
after you have left. This is the moment your spouse
interrupts their bad behaviors. (Of course, you will
not leave them back there if they drink.)
If you try to talk and it doesn’t work. Stop talking.
Turn your back and leave is a very effective consequence
your “naughty” spouse has to face.
Your removal needs to be done as quiet as you can possibly
manage. There is no way to get others involved in your
(4) Let Your Disappointment Be Well Felt. –
No matter what marital situation you are in, if you were
hurt by your spouse’s bad behavior, let him or her feel it.
Back at home, you may stop talking or stop paying
attention to your spouse. Simple statement that you are
hurt will typically prevent a conflict to rise or turn into
a quarrel. Better even, go around like this:
“I am sorry, Hon, I am hurt right now. I need some time
to recover myself, and you, please, take time to think
back about what have caused this pain in the first place.”
“We Said – No Drama.”
When the blamed spouse starts a drama you are to cut
it off. Negative emotions turned into a drama do damage
more than an evening only.
Instead of a drama scenario, show respect to the guilty
spouse and provide support in terms of:
“Things in marriage happen but a lesson needs to be
learned for the future.” – use your kind voice.
(5) Put Your Foot Down. It Is OK When You Leave. —
Everything is about how long and how bad the intolerable
behaviors or mistakes have been carried through. There
is a great benefit in it if you put your foot down and
You do yourself a good service when punishing your
spouse for bad behaviors by removing yourself.
We are just sensitive human beings, emotionally thrilled
up and down in steady rhythms. In removing ourselves
from our spouse,
-> we prove our integrity,
-> we demonstrate respect to ourselves,
-> we protect our values in marriage and
-> we give the spouse a fair chance to straighten up.
This is HOW our guilty spouse will view the moment.
They will admire us for WHAT we are, for HOW we
protect the marriage to maintain it a safe place to be.
And if they don’t see it, we will gladly explain it to them.
If you are not confident…
to do this step, think about this: What is better? To be
a hypocrite and just put a band-Aid on a wound? (Or)
clear the cut with iodine, suffer a little and than see
it healing without inflammation?
In case you decide not to put your foot down strictly,
your spouse will sense the weakness in you. They will
lose the respect to you and will be assured that nothing
will follow as consequences to their bad behaviors in
future. A great asset to do it again!
As you have understood on that, addressing marriage
LIMITS and BOUNDARIES right away is more effective
than dealing with problems later. For that, it is important
for you to start utilizing certain powerful skills into your
daily life now.
At the same time, it is very important that you gauge the
process every three days. See it for yourself how it changed
the reaction from your spouse.
Make sure that IF there are other factors you need to work
on, you apply that process slowly to make sure that it
comes out naturally. It is simple, indeed.
As it has always been my goal to REALLY help you repair
your marriage, I do strongly recommend you to download:
Not for me, but for yourself. If your marriage is important
to you and your goal is to create a lasting and happy
relationship with one another, you definitely NEED to
download this now at: (Mind Blower!)
It has changed my marriage life long time ago.
It has helped me understand my spouse better.
It has helped many married couples to RESTORE their
I am truly convinced that it will help your marriage as well.
Go for it!